Forgiveness

Forgiveness

How do I forgive the absence?

The total withdrawal into the alcohol induced fog 

The unwillingness to be there

When she needed you the most

How could you be so selfish?

You always claimed to be so tough

Telling stories of your wrestling days

Your strong willpower to pull weight  

And endure brutal practices

Where was your inner strength 

In her final days?

Did you even think of how she felt 

knowing her end was soon?

You couldn’t face her not being here for you. 

Instead of being strong for her, 

your withdrawal 

could only have hurt her that much more. 

Now that she’s gone forever, 

you prefer to stay in the fog. 

Do you feel guilty for not being there?

It doesn’t concern you who you disappoint. 

How do you think she’d feel about you right now?

How do you think your daughters feel about you? 

There was a time when I was so proud of you. 

My Dad 

who trained German shepherds 

and let us be part of the joys of puppies.

My teacher 

who was loved and respected by the whole school.

My Swim coach 

who learned the sport so we could have a swim team. 

The coach 

who helped start a real swim program for school, 

teaching kids and adults to swim

Where is that man today?

He used to be my Father

For I can’t recognize him anymore

This shell of a man that remains

If alcoholism is a self-inflicted sickness

How do I find…

Forgiveness

Beth w. Benjamin

01:16:22